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Our Stories
Virginia Lee-Anderson
Virginia Lee-Anderson remembers the day her dark secret was exposed. Her personal life was in shambles, yet no one knew the extent of her turmoil. While drinking seemed to temporarily ease her pain, it wasn’t helping her performance at work. Outbursts of irritability and ever-increasing tardiness were the initial cracks that began to show the toll alcohol was taking at work. Finally after watching her come to work with one too many hangovers, Virginia’s supervisor confronted her and forced her to face the truth – she was an alcoholic.
“I was experiencing some very ‘hard times,’” Virginia recalled. “I had gone through a horrific experience with my ex-husband and was using alcohol to cope with the situation. Yet, it was the day my supervisor confronted me that change my life.”
That was more than 15 years ago. Since then, the Anchorage Provider Claims Coordinator for Dental has been an inspiration to countless recovering women and even was invited to speak in Washington D.C. Her warmth and upbeat personality belies a woman who has survived incredible struggles.
The Beginning
Virginia’s story begins in 1979 when she was assigned by the Air Force from her native New York City to Elmendorf Air Force base in Anchorage, Alaska. The change in culture was huge, but Virginia figured she would stay only a few years and return home. That was 25 years ago.
In the early 1980s, Virginia was working for the Veterans Administration when she saw an article in the local newspaper about a Virginia company opening an office in Anchorage. Looking for a change, she applied and was hired by the historic First Health.
Change was something Virginia was desperately craving. The previous few years had been filled with unimaginable pain. “I got married when I was in the Air Force,” she said. “My then-husband was also in the Air Force. In the military there is a culture of drinking. Once you were off work, it was time for ‘happy hour.’”
As both wife and Air Force colleague, Virginia tried to keep up with her husband. But trying to fit in with the “boys club” was difficult for a black, Hispanic woman. Yet she tried, but what Virginia wasn’t aware of at the time was her husband’s deeper psychological problems. “Little by little his personality changed, he became more erratic and abusive,” she said.”
Trying to save her marriage, Virginia tried even harder to please her husband and keep up with his drinking. The situation worsened after her husband was discharged from the Air Force. “Although I didn’t know the term at the time, I was in a co-dependent relationship,” she added. “Once he retired he literally became dependent on me and my responses to him actually allowed him to continue his behavior.”
Drinking episodes followed by suicide attempts and treatment programs created a vicious cycle. Eventually, Virginia’s husband would be diagnosed as manic-depressive, but not before it almost cost Virginia her life. “His behavior had become increasingly erratic,” she said. “I couldn’t stay in the relationship any longer, so, I decided to separate from him.”
But the separation couldn’t end the grip he had on her and one day the relationship almost turned deadly. “He came to the house so we could talk,” Virginia explained. “But we started arguing and he became agitated. Before I knew it, he pulled out a gun and shot me.”
Bleeding profusely, Virginia lay dying. “I remember thinking that this is what it’s like to die.” Later, after she recovered, the physician who treated her said 15 minutes longer and she would have died.
The start of a new life
Following the trauma of the shooting, which also led to the conviction and imprisonment of her husband and the end of their marriage, Virginia began to rebuild her life. But coming to terms with her feelings and emotions would take longer than her physical healing.
“I was very proud, too proud to ask for help or let anyone know I was having a difficult time,” she explained. Like others facing personal problems, Virginia presented one face in public, but a much different one when she was alone.
“I grew up in a very proud family where we didn’t ask for help,” she explained. “I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.” Struggling both emotionally and financially, Virginia looked to her heritage for guidance.
“My family is also very spiritual,” she said. “My mother always said when you feel exhausted and don’t know where to turn, look to the Bible,” Virginia said. “Philistines 4:13 says ‘I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me’. That became my affirmation, which led me to begin designing and sewing Afro-centric clothing. I named my clothing, KANDU which stand for Knowledge, Applied, Now, Diversity and Unlimited.”
KANDU inspired Virginia to also go back to school where she received associate degrees in computerized medical administration and business administration. Later she would earn her bachelors degree in occupational education.
Even though she was making progress in her life, alcohol was still a demon she hadn’t confronted. “Sometimes you don’t want to admit how much alcohol is a problem in your life,” she said. “It became harder for me to control and hide and I thank God for the day my supervisor at First Health confronted me.”
Recovery begins
Little did Elizabeth Lee (Virginia’s supervisor at the time and no relation) realize that the day she confronted Virginia she would be helping to save a life. “I was coming to work under the influence of alcohol daily,” Virginia noted. “My supervisor took me aside in a closed door meeting and confronted me about my unacceptable tardiness and work production. She told me that if I wanted to keep my job, I would have to get help.
“Elizabeth, together with the Director Darrel Nagel, contacted a treatment program for me and told me that if I did my part in the program, First Health would support me any way they could. I entered a 21-day recovery program at Providence Hospital in Anchorage. I did my part and First Health did theirs. The insurance paid for my treatment and I kept my job.”
Better things ahead
The end of Virginia’s 21-day treatment program was only the start of her lifetime commitment to sobriety. “Recovery opened the door to the wonderful world of sobriety and provided a light into my life – talking to other women in recovery,” she said.
Virginia continued her recovery through Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, which she still attends regularly today. “There is always a temptation for an alcoholic to drink,” Virginia explained. “But, I always think of the agreement I made with First Health to keep my end of the deal and think ‘Do I want to go back to those dark days?’ The answer is always a definite no!”
The first days, months and even years of recovery are often selfish and according to Virginia they have to be. “You truly have to take care of yourself first and learn to live as a sober person,” she said. “But, slowly you learn that your experiences can help others. I’ve never forgotten how much it was a relief to learn that other people had the same types of problems as I did and that I was not alone.”
Becoming a voice for women
As Virginia became stronger, she became involved with other recovery groups designed for women, sharing her experiences with them. Her story became an inspiration for other recovering women who have been victims of domestic violence. Eventually, Virginia was invited to serve on a steering committee for the Alaska Women’s Recovery Project.
As her role in the recovering community grew, Virginia was asked to appear in a series of televised public service announcements. Although anonymity is a very important concept in recovery, Virginia felt comfortable enough in her recovery to break her anonymity.
“Breaching your anonymity is a personal decision,” she explained. “Today, I am proud of my recovery and have no problem telling my story, but years ago I wasn’t ready and keeping my anonymity was necessary for my recovery.”
Then in May 2003, Virginia received an unexpected invitation.
"My supervisor confronted me about my unacceptable tardiness and work production. I was coming to work under the influence of alcohol daily. She made contact with a treatment program for me and told me that if I did my part in the program, the company would support me any way they could. I have been with this company for 15 years now, clean and sober. This type of support made the difference in my life."
Virginia Lee-Anderson
Provider Claims Coordinator at First Health Services Corporation and Board Member of the Alaska Women's Recovery Project
“Vera Paschke of the Southcentral Foundation in Anchorage forwarded me an e-mail from Cathy Nugent, Project Officer, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) in Washington D.C.,” Virginia said. “SAMHSA was requesting speakers for a U.S. Department of Labor conference on drug-free workplace issues. Once the other women in my recovery group hear about the request, they encouraged me to tell my story of recovery. So, I did.”
Later in June, Virginia received official confirmation that she was selected to speak at Department of Labor’s Drug-Free Workforce Conference in Washington D.C. The conference was centered on the theme Improving Productivity and other Employment Outcomes through Substance Abuse Intervention. On July 10, 2003, Virginia shared her story of recovery. (Click here to read more)
“The theme of the conference fit perfectly with my story,” she added. “First Health didn’t have to take a chance on me. They didn’t need to give me the opportunity to change my life, but they did and I am grateful.”
Epilogue
The years of drinking and emotional upheaval are long past. Today, Virginia continues to help and be a role model for women facing recovery. “I tell the women I meet that change begins from within and that you need to believe in yourself and let it shine.”
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