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Voice of the Recovery Community Award
Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery (CCAR) is the recipient of The Joel Hernandez Voice of the Recovery Community Award!
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Our Stories
Shirley Roberts
My name is Shirley and this is my story. I am a delivered crack addict. I have been delivered for ten years. I started smoking like most others, in a causal relationship. It started as something to try, something new to do, a better way of sharing love as I thought. But like most people who thought that it would not do them like it does everyone else. Why? Because I am different from everyone, it won’t do me that way. At least I thought I was. But much to my surprise I was. Most women start smoking with someone they love. After all what goes on in our bedroom is between us. Well that lasted for awhile. After that it was down hill after. The down fall began.
People think a drug addicted is someone of low self esteem and low moral s and come from a home of abuse and low education. But I know that is not true. I came from a home of love, where I went to church and was the president of the young people department, not just president, but founder of the department. My mom was a graduate for College. We lived on that side of the tracks and good side of the tracks. I was ms eight grade, vice-president of the student council in the ninth grade. When I went to high school I was Ms Junior and Ms Senior. After high school I went to the air force, came home got married. Had a good marriage, but it ended in divorce, why? Because the Lord was not in it and we went our separate ways. I met up with one of my old boyfriends, I should have known that there was going to be trouble after all, he was married. But I loved him before he got married. This was my opportunity to get him back. And I did. It was good at first, we stayed together and move from our home town to another.
Soon after that the snake showed his old ugly head. I believe things were about to change. We began to try something new. We begin to lace our marijuana with cocaine, then we began to snort it. That lasted for awhile. I believe he had started hearing how crack made you feel. I believe he heard all the good things about. One day he said let’s try this, and I did, but it did not do anything, I guess we did not know how to smoke it the right way. So we did not do it for a while. Someone must have told him how to do it right or he tried it without me. I did it the way he told me and it was a good feeling or at least I thought it was. Least did I know that was the beginning of my end.
To make a long story short, I will cut to the chase. Crack will turn mothers against daughters, sons against father, brother against brother. After all that is the trick of the enemy, to kill, steal and destroy. The thing that tuned me away from was I almost lost my life or thought I was about to loose it. You know all the times I smoke, after it was over I would say, “Lord if you get me out of this I won’t do this no more.” The next week came and it was the same thing all over again. Well one day we were smoking and he went to get some more and when he got there he did not have the money he thought he had. So he came home and accused me of stealing twenty dollars out of his pocket and I had not done that. He became angry, so angry that I saw a different person. He began to put sheets all over the windows and double locking the front and back doors. He told me to sit down and he had not better see me breath. I thought to myself, how can I do that, I must breath to live. He preceded to put knives and my room was dark but light was in there too. I velt something sit on my side of my bed. I now know that it was the Lord. He gave me instructions for the rest of my life. He told me to get up the next morning and take a bath, clean up my house the best that I can, wash my hair and set it. But I did not have a hair dryer, he told me to set on the porch. About Four o’clock walk down to the telephone booth and use the third booth. He as going to be in the room because it was going to rain where they were and they will come in early. He would be the one to answer the telephone. And when he does he will say, “I want my D--- money”. I want you know that my calling card was not working anymore because the phone was off for a long time. My instructions were to use the third phone booth, but it began to rain so I stopped to the first booth and the operator said you have used an invalid calling card. So I began to walk home and the spirit said I said the third phone booth. So I turned around and went back.
It was not easy going home, but while I was there I found out what kind of man he was. I did not know what to do. I wanted to get out of the world that I had created for myself. I began to seek help, I went to a place where they would access you and send to a place to get help. But the questions they asked me let me know that they thought I was sick and not be cured. I did not want to stay in the shape I was in. I went to NA, I did not like introducing myself as Shirley and I am a recovering addict. I want to be healed and wanted not to do that no more. I had a friend come by and she had a preacher with her. That was the last thing I needed was a friend and a preacher or I thought. But that is just what I needed. I rejected them for a while. Then the same voice that gave me instruction in my dream I hear it again. You tried everything else now try this. I did and it worked. I tried listening to people who say they had Jesus in their life. They showed my Christ and told me the things that he h
I think I am going to stop writing; I do not want you to get bored. I have a lot more to say. This is the first time I have shared this story to people I do not even know. I want to help people and their family to let them know there is help. I now have a ministry that is called Albany new life, inc. substance abuse and jailhouse ministry.
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